https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVNYhcYEwIE
"How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can't, at least not for the moment, but I do believe that the way we react to adversity can be a major factor in happy and successful we can be...You may feel singled out when adversity enters your life. You shake your head and wonder 'why me?' Learning to endure times of disappointment, suffering, and sorrow is part of on the job training. These experiences, while often difficult to bare at the time, are precisely the kind of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character, and increase our compassion for others...The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in his own way. While it may not come at a time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundred fold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude...We can endure our hardship and trial. We can say...come what may and love it. The simple secret is this: put your trust in the Lord, do your best and leave the rest to Him."
I feel like this is my mantra right now in life. Things have been so hectic at work and it has really been difficult to stick to my upbeat and happy attitude. But then this phrase keeps coming through my head, and it has been helping me to keep pushing along, trying my hardest not to quit.
Life has most definitely been crazy. This time of year is always difficult as a teacher. It's even more so as a teacher of students with autism. Then add the crazy snow days and delays in the mix...yeah....come what may, right?!
I keep trying to find the positives, so here are some for me to share with you! Since my surgery on November 30th, I am now down from 330 to 270, so 60 pounds since surgery, and then an altogether loss since my journey technically began in July of 74 pounds. I look at myself in the mirror each day and am truly shocked at the changes that just keep happening.
I will be honest though, the last couple of weeks have been rough. This time of year is tough for many reasons, but it's especially difficult for me because it was this time 4 years ago that my life was forever changed by finding out my mom had cancer and our journey down that long road began. It's like my subconscious knows that it's a difficult time. The other day I was having a hard time over the littlest things...and then it hit me like a ton of bricks that it was on that day that we found out about my mom's cancer.
So I haven't been doing the greatest about eating as much as I should, or having enough protein, or enough supplements altogether. Work has been super stressful, and my initial reaction to stress and hard emotions is usually to eat. I wanted Taco Bell and DQ ice cream SO BAD last weekend. It was hard to turn my brain off, so with the help of some friends, and some cute boy ;), I decided that it is time to take that stress and turn to working out. I started getting up at 5:30 this week so that I had time to do my workout DVD before going to work. I don't have a gym membership right now...hopefully soon...and the weather has been so awful, so this is as good as it gets for right now. But hey, it's a change! And while I am still working on building stamina and endurance, I'm proud to report that I did it and it felt amazing! I am excited that I am finally to a point that I don't want to work out to lose weight, I want to work out so that I feel better about myself and that I use it as a healthy outlet for dealing with stress. It's a work in progress, but the point is that it's progress that's being made and I am proud of that! Come what may and love it!!
Now as I mentioned...there's this cute boy that has come into my life. He's simply amazing and supportive in every possible way. He's offered to start working out with me...but I'm not sure I'm quite to the point of wanting to let him see me like that yet haha the confidence is coming though! And that's where I'm going with this...I bring up Julian for this reason. As I've been on this journey of self-discovery, one thing that has changed in me is my confidence in myself. Like I've said before, I have always loved the person I was on the inside, but that love of my inner self didn't always match my love of my outer self. This surgery has opened up this newfound confidence in myself. I sometimes hate to say that out loud, because weight shouldn't matter, but I was just not happy with how I looked and was SOOOO discouraged because no matter what I did, I couldn't do anything to change it. That's why this surgery has been such a blessing for me because it provided a way for me to lose weight that would not have happened any other way. I can truly say that I have never in my whole life been this happy and I feel it daily; my confidence has come a long way and it has helped to show people more of who I really am. The confidence in myself has boosted how I feel about dating in general and because of that, I met a pretty amazing guy who I am able to be *almost* my whole and complete self around without worrying about the same things I did before....and I say "almost" because, well it's still new and I have to still look cute all the time...and "lesbe" honest, I can be a hot mess sometimes! ;)
So desipte the hard days, the days when all I want to do is crawl into a ball, or I haven't been 100% at eating completely healthy, or some days eating at all. On the days when I feel like I have failed my students; on the days I feel like I have failed at being a good daughter, sister, friend; on the days that I just want to cry it out and quit, I will just keep repeating to myself "Come what may, and love it!" There will always be those days when an ugly cry is necessary, but like Elder Wirthlin said, "While it may not come at a time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundred fold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude...We can endure our hardship and trial. We can say...come what may and love it. The simple secret is this: put your trust in the Lord, do your best and leave the rest to Him."
When the days are rough and it doesn't seem like it can get any better, find at least one thing that was positive. Remember to laugh! Remember to Trust God and allow yourself to be loved, because I promise you that you are! :) Have a great week friends! Thank you again for the continued love and support you all provide!!!!
Finally able to use the swing at work and I love it!
These girls have been super supportive in many ways, but the biggest is making sure I keep smiling and have fun with life!
This guy...just looking at him on the drive home and I got super happy, and had to take this pic...he probably won't appreciate it but I just adore his smile and overall attitude about life! :)
Last minute trip this weekend to Portland while Julian had drill for the guard. I loved being able to spend that time with him and get away...reminded me to refocus and "Come what may and love it!" :)
